the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
