She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
