So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
