there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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