Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
