Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
