Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its liver damage thursday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
