I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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