peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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