I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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