I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
