If i come over, it means nothing
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
