What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
wow bdsm is so cute
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
