she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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