my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
