is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
