She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
