I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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