I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
