I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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