I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
