I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
