i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
