a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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