Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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