So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
