I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
