dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
