Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
