There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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