There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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