wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
