She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
