the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
