she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
