I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
