I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
