Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I forget how to act sober
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