Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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