Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
