it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The air was thick with penises
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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