oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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