bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
