All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
