He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
