When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
