I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
