Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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