Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
