I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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