Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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